Knocking Down the Interior Walls

I’m going to leave this at simple question. It’s a question that has been on my mind all night causing me to not sleep very much or very well. And I hope that someone, somewhere will be able to answer my question. 

Is it possible to change who you are? 

Let’s talk the past,
Joy was what I was called as a baby.
As a child; Laughter was my name.
In school, as a teen, they called me Angel.
Life and time travel fast.
Only a year ago, did they start calling me Trouble,
A few months ago I was nicknamed DeeDee for Doubt and Despair.
Just yesterday I was known as Sorrow.
Today; I feel like Regret.
In dreaming; my name was Love.
My name with never be the same again.
Who knows tomorrow I could Anticipation.
On the ouside no one sees my names.
They’re kept on the inside.
To friends and family, I’m just Me.

I am a midsummer night’s dream;
A wild cliche
Running into the ground
With nothing but tragedy.

Like a midsummer night’s dream;
I seem to continue
Pursuing things that which
I continue to hope for.

Like a midsummer night’s dream;
I continue to hope
That I will continue
To believer in things I can’t see

I’m a dancer as I sleep.
Awake I am still and silent,
Asleep I seek passion;
For things I know not of
Life a raging love affair
Doomed to end at the drop of a hat.
Awake I cower in the corner,
Asleep I venture through space and time;
Searching for things I only dream of.
Awake I keep things hidden,
Asleep I dive into the inevitable;
Never afraid of what I might find
Or of what I will face.

One of my favorite quotes is “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first and the lesson after.” This quote by Vernon Sanders is very true when you really put it into life’s perspective. Everyone on this planet has gone through good and bad life experiences. No matter what the situation that we go through; there’s always something that we can take out of it.

I have new experiences everyday. Everyday I learn something new about the people around me, the places I go during the day, or even something about myself. Learning things about the people in your environment or yourself are good things to experience; they can help you learn something. Everyday I find a new way to cope with the things that hang over my head in a fog; meaning things from High School that still seem to hang around. I find that I’m a much stronger person than I think I am.

Some people can go through the same thing but experience it differently. They come out of a bad experience with different knowledge than someone who has also had that experience. One experience like this is the whole thing of college. Some people love college!! They love living away from home, the school, and all the parties that fall in there somewhere. But like I said before not everyone has the same experience. While there are people who love college, there are those who absolutely hate it. Some people may say that it’s because of the school they went to. That could be true but it could also be false. Some people just aren’t made to go to college. But in the long run, it’s still a good experience to have.

My friend Marin in high school had the same experience I did. Granted she went through the same thing I did before me. When I think about it today, it was because of her I had to experience the same thing. It was one of those things where you think, “It worked for her so must work for me.” I fell into the ways that she did; treating myself in a negative way. It was an experience that I never want to have again but it’s something that I have to live with every day. The evidence of it still remains. Some people whom I know that read this may know what I’m talking about. Even though it was an experience I don’t want to ever have again, it’s one that I’m almost glad happened to me. I say that because now I know how to handle it and what I can do to help someone else who is going through it as well.

Even though we have good and bad experiences, the lessons from them help us become stronger people and help us to be able to help others as well. No matter what you might go through during your time on this earth, don’t regret the good times or the bad times. They make you who you are and who you are to become. You shouldn’t forget them either.

Here it is… It’s time for summer vacation. All the colleges, universities, high schools, middle schools, etc. are all done for the next three months. There are so many possibilities of what could happen in those short months; love taking flight, friendships being tested, and screaming your lungs out at the various amusement parks around the country. I know for some us it doesn’t feel like summer because we’ve been having some crazy weather but whether or not we have the 90 degree weather, it’s still summer time and you know that means? It’s time to have the time of our lives and hold nothing back.

I have just been having a blast since I got out of school a month ago. Going to movies, the beach, trekking somewhere and randomly eating gelato with my friends, even having a mock kindergarten graduation for my six year old nephew Carter. I think for the first time in four weeks I have actually had a day to myself to just kick up my heels and relax. It’s been a non-stop party with my good friends.

Isn’t that how life should be? Living it to the fullest but not forgetting to take time for ourselves and relax… maybe even get pampered every now and again? Life would seem pretty dull and boring if we just sat at home all day watching the same reruns on TV. Nothing would seem to change; except maybe the episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Life should be about taking chances and doing something a little risky. If you don’t, you just might miss out on the best thing that could ever have happened to you.

I don’t know about you but my summer feels like it’s never going to end. I’m totally okay with. People think that if you spend too much time with someone, you’ll end up hating them and never wanting to see them again in your life. But it’s the total opposite with me. I’ve spent almost every day with my friend Faith and I haven’t gotten sick of her yet. If anything we’ve gotten closer. It’s one of the best things that has happened this summer so far.

Don’t just sit around at home wishing things would get better. They won’t unless you make it happen. Now is the time to live your life the way you want to, no matter what other people say. Now is your time to defy gravity.

Do you have a passion in life? I’m sure everyone has a passion of some form. It could be from a variety of options from painting to dancing, from fixing cars to cooking, it doesn’t matter what it is and it doesn’t matter if other people like it. What matters is that you like it.

Sometimes your passion can get you through the hardest times of your life. Most of the time you can take out a lot of pent up aggression. In high school, my passion was playing volleyball. Whenever something happened and I got really mad, I would bring it court and leave there. All the anger that was raging inside of me helped me become a stronger “hitter”. It caused me to become better at what I loved doing. But now that I haven’t played competitive volleyball for almost two years, I’ve found I have another passion. I love writing. Writing helps me put my feelings on paper or in this case in a blog. I can write about how my day went and how much people bug me in my private journal, I can keep a log of all the stuff that has happened in the past that I now regret, I can even write sappy love poems or sad ones. Yes, writing takes time but when the days come that I’m scared or happy or mad, writing always seems to help me calm down. It’s like playing volleyball; I would take all my pent up aggression to court and leave it there. It’s the same with writing; I take all that aggression and put it on the page and it will stay there forever. 

Now not everyone has the same passions as I do. Passions in life do different things to everyone, they help in different ways. You may find that they help you relax or they take you to a whole other world. For example, people who love acting and being a part of plays. When they get a lead character, they step into that person’s life and become that person. It’s their way of escaping reality into another world where they can be someone else for a while. People who like cooking or baking may find it comforting. When the aroma of freshly baked cookies fills the kitchen they know they’ve just made the best cookies ever.

Passions make you fulfill your dreams. Your passion may be writing songs or stories. Those passions make you dream about becoming a famous author or song writer and lyricist. You may want to be the next Venus Williams or Bret Favre; you won’t give up your dreams of becoming the next famous tennis player or quarterback in the NFL because you lost a match or game. You’ll keep striving to become better and better. Sure, when becoming a writer or star athlete, you might write a really bad paper or lose a couple games but those losses help you become the better athlete or writer. 

Pick a passion, work on it, and maybe you will be the next Stephanie Meyer and write a new take on the vampire story or the next Peter Jackson and make the film that beats out Titanic in length and winning all the Academy Awards. Like they say, “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

Ardent Love

twlohauchapters:

Top (L to R): Texas Tech, University of Northern Iowa, University of South Florida
Bottom (L to R): University of Virginia, Florida State University, University of Florida

Make a one for either the University of Minnesota or Bethel University!!

Sometimes I think that this world and this life just seems to zip on by. It never seems to ever slow down. The world around us just keeps moving at such a fast pace that we never stop to think about all the little things in life that make us happy. We get so caught up in all the work and school that goes on around us. If only we could just stop our lives where they are for five minutes.

I find it so hard to just stop and be quiet. It’s always so hard to think to myself about what makes me happy. There are so many things that can make me happy. But not all of them are the “guilty pleasures” of life. To me a guilty pleasure is going and spending $2 on a bagel from the local bagel shop. Just something simple like. But to other people it might be going and getting an expensive pair of shoes, a video game (in a guy’s case), or going and having your nails does. People get so caught up in their everyday lives of chaos that they don’t give into their guilty pleasures. Sometimes people forget that they even have one until they taste that frappicino or get that foot massage that they haven’t had in weeks or months.

Sure it can be bad to get addicted to the thing that makes your day or life seem a little brighter. But forget about it. You never know when you might need that pleasure. You could be having a bad day at work and think that it’s never gonna get better or that nothing could make it better. But when you really think about it… there is. It’s that trip to by the pair of shoes that you’ve always wanted or the candy bar that you have hiding in desk at work. It’s like your ammunition to having a better day. Take it and use it usely.

Sometimes along with your guilty pleasure you have to take some time for yourself to enjoy that pleasure. Another thing that people don’t do enough of in this world. People never take time to pamper themselves until they crash and go crazy. Think about what your guilty pleasure is, take sometime to yourself, and enjoy it!!!

Have you ever dreamed or thought about the “charming prince”? Most girls start dreaming about her handsome Prince Charming as soon as she sees any kind of princess movie. She begins to imagine how he’s going to come riding in on his white horse to save her and take her away to his castle in the sky. A young girl probably thinks about her “Prince Charming” up until he comes into her life. He may not be what she hoped he would. Dreams are different from reality.

I’m not saying that Prince Charming doesn’t exist. He’s obviously the person who is “perfect” for us. But couldn’t there be more than one person who could fill the position of “Mr. Right”? We all hope that Prince Charming is going to come in at the right time; when we need him the most or when we need saving. But when it comes to down to reality, he’ll come when you least expect it! He may be the person you least expect.

I started really thinking about how “Prince Charming” could come in when I was watching the movie The Prince and Me. Paige Morgan’s Prince Charming came in as the snotty Denmark exchange student Eddie. She hated him with everything she had. Of course like all chick flicks she ends up fall in love with him half way through the movie. But little does she know that Eddie is the real prince of Denmark. It’s like the real life fairytale.

We sometimes think that Mr. Right is suppose to be the first guy to sweep us off our feet and someone we’re suppose to fall in love with the moment we lay our eyes on him. But that’s not reality and life isn’t a fairytale. Every girl is gonna date guys who are complete a**holes. However that doesn’t mean that she should give up because she’s also gonna find a young man who is the sweetest person. Yes, there are some girls who find their Prince Charming in high school but those relationships don’t always last. Some people don’t meet their perfect person until they’re 30. Finding your perfect person and love takes time. 

There’s nothing wrong with dreaming about Prince Charming. But at some point everyone has to wake up and smell the roses. Life isn’t a fairytale. Love isn’t always going to be perfect. There are bumps along that road but when it does come life is different and at times it can feel like the fairytale we always wanted. The person we least expect or even hate could turn into the perfect Prince Charming.

Ardent Love